my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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