this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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