my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
NoShamevember. You game?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
