i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
