Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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