Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
