Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
