i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
