I'm going to jail i love you
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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