By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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