which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
