I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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