I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
