Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
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We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
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This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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