I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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