the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
