I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
