I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
