I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
