My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
