Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
why do cheetos always look like penises
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
