The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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