Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
