Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
