whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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