Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
