Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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