Just fell off a train. Bad.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
3 2 1 whiskey
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
