this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
