If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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