i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Is Oprah even human
Randomize