Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
