Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
