He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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