I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
