i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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