conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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