My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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