She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
