hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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