You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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