I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
They should really pass out barf bags in church
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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