I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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