I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
