Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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