He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
