Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
