I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
