you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
