peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
