the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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