My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
