a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
