It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
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I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
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She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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