So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
