***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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