now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
