her vagine was all disorganized.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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