Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
