I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
