Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I haven't been this sober since birth.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
