his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I love having hate sex.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So. Much. Porn.
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