Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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