We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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