You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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