Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
