All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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