I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
