I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
