if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
