I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
