fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
