ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
