why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
