im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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