I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
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I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
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I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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