Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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