You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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