Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
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