She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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