Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize