i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
