I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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