already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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