Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dicks are not precious.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
