Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
A+ Viking dick
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
