He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
