things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
