Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
