so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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