I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
