So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize