1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
