You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
