He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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