Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
This baby is an asshole
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
