I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
