what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
