just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
