The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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